Let's take a moment to laugh at ourselves, Connecticut. Instead of getting offended, let us lean into the national stereotype we have just for the sake of a giggle. What would Connecticut caricatures say if their airplane engine disintegrated at 30,000 feet?

Apart from the sickening fear you may experience, what do you think you would say? Here are some possible Connecticut reactions to this terrifying problem:

  • "Excuse me, miss flight attendant, the engine is tearing off. Do you know who I am?"
  • "Hey, the engine is falling off, do you know who my father is?"
  • "I used to work for Steve Cohen; I should not have to put up with this nonsense."
  • "This is why I always fly private."
  • "This is what happens when you leave Greenwich and mingle with the peasants."
  • "Excuse me, can I please be seated away from these people who are screaming? I'd like to die in peace."
  • "Excuse me, flight attendant, can you please remove my name from the flight log? The last thing I need is for my friends to see I was flying to Houston, so embarrassing!"
  • "I'm supposed to live, dammit!"
  • "Excuse me, miss, I need to speak to the pilot IMMEDIATELY!"
  • "Do you realize how much I paid for this flight? This is unacceptable!"
  • "I paid first-class prices and I'm getting economy treatment."
  • "I'll take my bourbon in the cockpit, please."
  • "I'm supposed to die surrounded by people of status, not bargain hunters packed into a diseased puddle-hopper."
  • "I paid for first class so I expect to be given an oxygen mask and flotation device first."
  • "Ugh, I'm going to die in a sea of denim and $12 graphic tees from Walmart."
  • "Do you have any Grade-A free-range meats? I'm not going to consume this dog food as my last meal."
  • "I'm entitled to an explanation as to how the pilot plans on handling this."
  • "If you're going to make an emergency landing, please aim for Martha's Vineyard."
  • "I am trying to do my relaxation breathing techniques, but this gentleman is taking all of the air with his panicked shrieking."
  • "I have 2,000 flight hours; if the pilot cannot pull it together up there, I will have to step in."
  • "Ma'am, this gentleman seems to have vomited on my best pair of Brunello Cucinelli pants. Would you mind fetching me a rag?"
  • "Do you have a pen? I'd like to revise my Last Will and Testament. This flight was my son's idea, and I need to write him out."
  • "This would not happen on a Gulfstream!"
  • "The pilot probably went to a state college."
  • "I'm must say, the service is worse than the equipment."
  • I'm telling everyone I know to never use this airline again!"

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